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PROBLEM SOLVERS, HERE ARE FEW CASES...!


Last year, my friend upgraded his GirlFriend 1.1 to the Fiancee 1.0 and recently he upgraded Fiancee 1.0 to Wife 1.0 and it caused memory problems, it has taken all his space; and Wife 1.0 must be running before he can do anything.  Although he did not ask for it.  Wife 1.0 came with Plug-Ins such as MotherInLaw, FatherInLaw and BrotherInLaw. Now he may be switching back to a newer version of GirlFriend 2.0 that has these new features:

  1. A "Don't remind me again" -- if I am  late -- button
  2. Minimize button
  3. Shutdown (or Shutup) feature
  4. An install shield feature so that GirlFriend 2.0 can be completely uninstalled if so desired
      (so you don't lose cache and other objects).

He tried running Wife 1.0 with GirlFriend 1.1 still installed, they tried using the same I/O port and conflicted. Then he tried to unistall GirlFriend 1.1 but it didn't have an uninstall program. He tried to uninstall it manually, but it put files in his system directory. Another thing that sucks in all versions of GirlFriends, it is totally "object orientated" and only supported hardware with gold contacts.

BUG WARNING: Wife 1.0 has an undocumented bug. If you try to install Mistress 1.2 before uninstalling Wife 1.0.  Wife 1.0 will delete MS_Money files before doing the uninstall itself. Then Mistress 1.2 will refuse to install, claiming insufficient resources.


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* AAAAAA: American Association Against Acronym Abuse Anonymous
* Apple: Arrogance Produces Profit Losing Entity.
* AMIGA: A Merely Insignificant Game Addition.
* BASIC: Bill's Attempt to Seize Industry Control.
* Binary: Possessing the ability to have friends of both sexes.
* Bipolar: Refers to someone who has homes in Alaska and the Sahara.
* Bit: Similar to a nibble. Commonly eight nibbles to a mouthful. [See byte].
* Brain: the apparatus with which we think that we think.
* Bubble Memory: A derogatory term, usually referring to a person's intelligence. See also"Vacuum tube".
* Byte: A mouthful of "Bits".
* CCITT: Can't Conceive Intelligent Thoughts Today
* Character Density: The number of very weird people in the office.
* Character: What you are in the dark.
* Chip: Any small crunchy object, often served with onion dip or hot Mexican salsa.
* COBOL: Completely Obsolete Business Oriented Language.
* Code Virus: A virus lasting about three to five days, accompanied by sore throat, runny nose, and fever.
* Command: Statement presented by a human to a computer that make the human feel in control.
* Compatible: Blows up a little later than Incompatible.
* CE-ROM: Consumer Electronics, Rendered Obsolete Monthly.
* CPU:  Crippled Processing Unit.
* CRT:  Can't Read That.
* Cursor: An expert in foul language and four-letter words.
* Debug: The act of placing a shoe against a small creeping creature.
* DOS: Defective Operating System.
* DEC: Do Expect Cuts.
* Error: Something only humans can commit.
* FIFO: Common name for an Arabic transsexual belly dancer.
* Hardware: Typically boots, leather, and chains. Contrast with software.
* IBM: I Blame Microsoft.
* Idle: A member of a powerful tribe whose influence in human affairs has always been dominant.
* Interface: The opposite of "Get out of my face."
* ISDN: It Still Does Nothing.
* LISP: Lots of Insignificant  Silly Parenthesis.
* Logic: The art of being wrong with confidence...
* MACINTOSH: Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hang.
* Mainframe: It is believed that it was used to hang pictures.
* Maintenance-free: When it breaks, it can't be fixed.
* Maniac: An early computer built by nuts.
* Megahertz: A very large Car Rental Agency.
* MICROSOFT: Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Fools Teenagers.
* MIPS: Meaningless Indication of Processor Speed.
* Multitasking: Screwing up several things at once.
* Narrow-minded: Possessing the ability to see through a keyhole with both eyes.
* OS/2: Obsolete Soon, Too.
* Polaroids: What polar bears get from sitting on icecaps.
* PENTIUM: Produces Erroneous Numbers Through Incorrect Understanding of Math.
* Program: What commercials try to do to us.
* RAM: A male sheep.
* ROM: An Indian religious figure.
* RTFM: Read the f.u.c.*.i.n.g manual!
* Semi-conductor: A person leading an orchestra before he has graduated from director's school.
* Software: Typically soft nighties, nylons, silk clothes and garter belts.
* Terminal: What most people have to be before they see a doctor. [See "ill"].
* Thesaurus: Ancient reptile with an excellent vocabulary.
* Transistor: A sibling opposite of trans-brother.
* User: The word computer professionals use when they mean "idiot".
* WWW: World Wide Wait!.

"DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Dell, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use wordwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form." -- ( New York Times, November 26, 1991)

1. When your wife gets fever and a runny nose and you bring her a box that says "Norton Utilities".
2. When you see a beautiful girl you start thinking "Her body is best viewed with Navigator 4.5 or higher."
3. You name your daughter Eudora, Mozilla or Dot.com and your son .gif or .JPEG (pronounced J-pig!)
4. You spend half of the plane trip with your laptop on your lap... and your child in the overhead compartment.
5. You decide to stay in college for an additional year or two, just for the free Internet access.
6. You laugh at people with 2400-baud modems or 90 Mhz processor machines.
7. Your dreams are in Java.
8. When you are in the kitchen and you happen to break something, you look for the "Undo" menu item.
9. When your wife asks you how do you close the "bathroom windows" and you answer her: "Honey, click on the close box" .
10. When you make love, you wish you can "Save As..."

BEST QUOTES:
 

1. New seats would require everyone to have the same butt size.
2. We'd all have to switch to Microsoft gas.
3. The US Government would get subsidies from an auto maker first.
4. The oil, alternator, gas and engine warning lights would be replaced by a "GENERAL CAR FAULT" warning light.
5. Sun Microsystems would make a car that was solar powered, twice as reliable, five times as fast, but ran on only 5% of the roads.
6. You would be constantly pressured to upgrade your car.
7. You could only have one person in your car at a time, unless you bought  CarNT, but then you would need to buy more seats.
8. Occasionally your car would die for no reason and you would have to restart it. Strangely, you would accept this as normal.
9. Every time the lines on the road were repainted, you'd have to buy a new car.
 

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THE BOSS ASKED FOR A LETTER DESCRIBING BOB SMITH:

1|    Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found
     hard at work in his cubicle.  Bob works independently, without
3|    wasting company time talking to colleagues.  Bob never
     thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always
5|    finishes given assignments on time.  Often Bob takes extended
     measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee
7|    breaks. Bob is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no
     vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
9|     knowledge in his field.  I firmly believe that Bob can be
      classified as a high-caliber employee, the type which cannot be
11|   dispensed with.  Consequently, I duly recommend that Bob be
      promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
13|   executed as soon as possible.

SIGNED:  Project Leader

A MEMO WAS SOON SENT FOLLOWING THE PREVIOUS LETTER:
 That idiot was reading over my shoulder while I wrote the
 report sent to you earlier today.  Kindly read only the odd
 numbered lines (1, 3, 5, 7, 9, 11, 13) for my true assessment of him.
 Best Regards


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Hilarious Medical Dictionary!